I remember one of the first seminars during my studies, when the professor compared the work of a psychotherapist to tailoring. People come with coats full of holes that need mending. Sometimes the holes are small, sometimes larger, and sometimes so big that an additional coat is needed.
This metaphor still resonates with me today. I reflect on the “coats” I have seen, the holes I have patched, and how I approach this work. I often catch myself wanting to suggest a coat to the client that is different from the one they imagined – different patterns, shapes, or thicknesses. I have often tried to have the client accept a coat from my “catalog.” Yet, very often, they wanted something else – a coat for their own winters, not for Siberia. Accepting that desire is not always easy.
I am reminded of a technique from my hairdresser, who works with what is on the head, not in the mind. When I shared with him an idea that was unusual for me, he looked skeptical but did not strongly oppose it. He allowed me to try, so I could experience for myself what I liked or did not, without causing permanent harm. Hair grows back, and in a similar way, a “coat” can be adjusted.
Perhaps this is why psychotherapy is so important – it is about collaboration, listening, and creating a safe space. A space where the client can discover on their own whether they need a coat for Siberia, or together we can understand that in their actual life, such a coat may not be necessary at all.
